The Grass is GREENer

By F.T. - LICC Crisis Counselor

There’s a particular kind of heaviness that settles in when you’re struggling and someone else seems to be moving through life with ease. In those moments, it’s easy to believe that everyone else has life figured out and that you’re the only one falling behind. The saying “the grass is greener” often feels painfully true. What we sometimes overlook, though, is the other kind of green that shows up in those moments: envy. Envy is built on incomplete information. What we see on the surface rarely tells the whole story. The people we compare ourselves to may be carrying their own invisible weight, even if their lives look effortless from the outside.

When we’re already feeling like we’re not enough, it doesn’t take much to convince ourselves that everyone else is doing better. Social media makes this especially easy because we are surrounded by highlight reels that show only the vacations, the promotions, the smiling families, the clean kitchens. Even in everyday interactions, most people present the version of themselves they think the world expects: composed, capable, unbothered. What we see on the outside rarely reflects the full story. Someone can look put together while quietly battling anxiety, grief, burnout, or self-doubt. We compare our inner struggles to their outer presentation, and it leaves us feeling like we are falling short, even though we are comparing two completely different things.

As a counselor, I am reminded of this every day. I speak with people who feel alone in their pain because everyone around them seems to be doing better. They often say things like, “Why can’t I handle life the way everyone else does?” What they do not realize is that many of the people they are comparing themselves to are also struggling. They are simply not saying it out loud. Pain does not always announce itself. Sometimes it hides behind a smile, a busy schedule, or a perfectly curated photo.

The truth is that struggle is far more common than it appears. Most of us carry something heavy at one point or another like stress, loneliness, burnout, financial pressure, relationship challenges, or the feeling of being overwhelmed by life. None of these experiences make you weak or inferior. They make you human.

When envy shows up, it is often a sign that you are longing for something. It might be stability, connection, rest, confidence, or a sense of direction. Instead of judging yourself for feeling that way, it can help to get curious about what the feeling is pointing to. What do you need more of? What support would help lighten the load? What expectations are you holding yourself to that may not be fair or realistic?

It can also help to gently remind yourself that you are only seeing a fraction of someone else’s reality. Everyone has chapters they do not post, moments they do not share, and battles they fight quietly. You are not the only one navigating difficult things, even if it feels that way.

Most importantly, your worth is not measured by how quickly you move, how polished your life looks, or how closely you match someone else’s path. You are allowed to grow at your own pace. You are allowed to struggle. You are allowed to be a work in progress.

And you are not alone, even on the days when it feels like everyone else is miles ahead.